Unable to Un-Read

The human mind is a tricky thing. There are things I learned and read in junior high and high school that I have almost completely forgotten. Things learned in classes like biology or chemistry or even history. There dates and quotes I memorized for exams throughout college that, if you asked me now, I might only have a faint recollection of what they referred to and may have completely forgotten. At the same time, there are some things you just cannot forget. Certain events, movies, and images stick with you. Some of these things we want to remember! Childhood events, birthday parties, family gatherings, weddings, and so on. But there are some things you cannot erase from your mind, even if you want to.

The recent trials of Gosnell are in that latter category. I began to read the news on him awhile back and had to stop halfway through the article. I just couldn’t bear it anymore. I know abortions happen. I know this is not an isolated incident. But the graphic nature of these trials tore at my heart. What boggles my mind is that there are people who will sit disgusted at what this man did, and yet will still say abortion is fine and we should provide safer and more easily accessible options for it. Somehow since the baby was out of the womb, it was horrendous. But when this happens within the womb in a “proper” facility, these people seem to find no wrong.

I want so badly to be a mother and am praying for God’s peace as I wait for Him to decide it is (finally) the right time for my husband and I to have a child. And as I hope and pray month after month that God might give us a baby, the Gosnell trial accounts were just too horrific to read. The funny thing is though, some things cannot be un-read. Even though I stopped reading the descriptions of the trial, and despite the fact that after stopping part-way through one article I merely skimmed the details of any remaining news on the matter, the parts I did read will not leave my brain. I am unable to un-read what I already read. I can pretend I didn’t read about it. I can ignore the news about it completely, but I still find that it is in my mind somewhere, tugging at my heart.

All I can do is pray. Pray for the mothers, for the doctors, for the babies. Pray that perhaps one day our nation will open its eyes and stop abortion. I pray and I pray alongside so many others and I know that the Lord hears our prayers. I may not be able to un-read what I read. But I am comforted knowing that God is listening to us and that those precious babies are with Him and filled with happiness and joy and the peace of the Lord.

In the World, Not of the World

There are many issues facing us today that seem to question our faith. Hot topic issues that seem to constantly be in the news: abortion, gay marriage, and healthcare are a few that come to mind. Secular media and popular opinion among many in our society today are telling us how we should feel about these issues. They tell us that women can do whatever they want with their bodies. They tell us a baby is not really a baby while in the womb. They tell us that anyone can be married and to think otherwise is prejudice. They tell us that healthcare for everyone means providing everyone with ways to prevent life instead of protect us. They tell us different things almost daily on what we should or should not eat for a long and healthy life. The media tells us how we should look, how much time we should spend in the gym, what clothing we should wear, how we should behave. It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that perhaps our values are wrong. Perhaps as times are changing, we should alter our beliefs as well. As state after state legalizes gay marriage, as even in the wake of the Gosnel trial people still insist that the tragedy should be prevented by better access to abortion rather than by eliminating abortion, as the media tells us sex is everything, beauty is everything, money is everything. When we are bombarded daily with these popular opinions it can be easy to doubt.

As followers of Christ, we are not called to give in to worldly views and temptations. Jesus came to earth to teach us the truth, and even He was hated for it. Just because what we believe is not popular opinion, does not make it wrong.

“I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.” John 17:14-17

These words from today’s Gospel spoken in prayer by Jesus Christ to Our Heavenly Father serve as a reminder to us of who we truly are. As Jesus says, we are not of this world. We are not made for the materialistic society we live in. We are not made to conform to popular public opinion. We are created in God’s own image for a world beyond our own. We are created to spread His love and His Word to those we come in contact with here on earth before spending eternity with God in heaven.

But notice that Jesus says He is not asking the Father to take us away from the world, but to protect us from evil. We may not be of this world, but we are in it. We cannot run away from the trials that face us in this life. We cannot avoid the issues that plague our society today. They are a part of the world and we are in this world. Instead, we need to focus on God and take care to spread His love to everyone in this world so that they might see Christ in us. Even as the world might say that what we believe is wrong, we need to stand firm in our beliefs while still being loving to everyone. That is a tough call! We cannot claim to be opposed to gay marriage because of our faith and then in the same breath condemn and judge those who are in disagreement with us. We cannot condemn abortion and then judge women who find themselves in that position. We cannot call for a greater protection of life while calling for the death penalty on those who have abused it. There is a fine line between standing up for our beliefs, and judging another person. While we are certainly called to stand up for what is right, we must always remember that although we may judge the action, we are never to judge the person. Not one of us is without sin and only Our Father is to pass judgment on any one of us. When things gets tough, we need only to look to the Father who will protect us from the evil one in whatever form he might take.

Romans 12:2 tells us more about living in this world

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”

I love how this verse tells us to renew our minds so we may prove the will of God to be perfect! God’s will, while beyond our comprehension, is perfect. And while we are not of the world, we are called to be open to the Spirit, to renew our minds and allow God’s love to transform us so that we might show the world we live in how great, how perfect, our God is.

OTC Plan B Pill Now Available to 15 Year Olds

I just read a news article regarding the FDA lowering the age requirement to buy the Plan B emergency contraceptive pill to 15. More than that, it will no longer be behind counters but instead sold in drugstores aisles with everything else. You can read about it here:  http://news.yahoo.com/fda-morning-pill-ok-ages-15-232957915.html

I read this article and it saddened me. Fifteen years old. I am the oldest of three sisters. I picture my youngest sister, at age 17, and think this pill is going to be sold to girls even younger than her?  I can’t imagine my little sister, much less anyone younger, facing such a thing and being able to make such a drastic decision as the morning-after pill without my parents or anyone else knowing and being able to help. These poor girls at age 15 might not recognize what they are doing. Needing no parental consent to purchase this and having it so readily available in the store aisles makes it seem harmless. And these young 15 year old girls who find themselves in a position where they think they may be with child, they don’t know any better.

How is this helping our nation? Our youth? Our women? When we have people who cannot find enough food to eat in day, people who have been out of work for lengthy periods of time, people who are facing diseases such as cancer and are in debt up to their eyeballs to pay medical bills, with all the troubles we have how in the world did this become a priority?

Regardless of your position on abortion or contraceptives, how could someone think this is an appropriate response? These young girls need someone to talk to. Someone to explain everything. Someone to tell them that sex is not the answer to teenage woes. Someone to tell them it is ok to wait, ok to be a virgin, ok to say no to having sex. And if or when they do, they need someone there to accept it, show understanding and assistance for whatever might happen next. They do not need a magic pill to erase what they have done. Life is not like that. You cannot take a magical pill to erase things you wish hadn’t happened. And if you do, there are surely complications that go along with it. Making this pill so readily available makes it seem like you can have sex whenever you want and should you forgo protection, this will do the trick and you can move on as though nothing ever happened.

I hope and pray that young women will realize this is not a fix all. That they have someone in their lives to guide them and lead them to a better path of handling what may come from the choices they have made. I pray that they have someone in their lives, be it a teacher, a friend, a parent or other relative, to show them what it means to truly respect life and to respect your own body. I pray that these young women and indeed all women have someone to trust, to turn to, to lean on. And should anyone feel so alone or as though there is nowhere to turn, I pray that they will know in their hearts that God is always there. That He is there with all the angels at his side to love, protect, and guide us all through anything.

How to Pray

There are many forms of prayer; meditation, praying with your own words, using prayers that have been written and passed on, reading scripture, and so forth. Prayer is communicating with God. Thanking Him and praising His name for the wonders He has done, asking Hid forgiveness for the times we have failed, and imploring His assistance in times of trouble. While there is no right or wrong way to pray, there is sometimes a debate over how to pray the right way. Some people feel that reciting a memorized prayer isn’t as sincere. I believe that the best way to pray is the one that connects you to God the most. It may not be the same for everyone. For me, I like to pray in many ways.

I love to pray through memorized prayers such as the Our Father, Hail Mary, Prayer to the Holy Spirit, and so forth. Some might say that by simply reciting prayers, it is not from my heart. That could not be further from the truth! The reason I love these prayers and the many many more I did not list is because, quite honestly, sometimes my words do not seem enough. I cannot always come up with what I want to say. So I rely on these prayers, tried and true by the Saints before me and by Christ Himself! In Luk 11:2-4 the disciples ask Jesus to teach them how to pray. He responds with the Our Father. In Luke we hear the angel Gabriel say to Mary, “Hail, favored one, the Lord is with you.” (Luke 1:28) This is the beginning of the Hail Mary. In Luke 1:42 and 43 we read of Elizabeth’s words to Mary, “Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.” These prayers come right from the Bible. How can I expect to speak as eloquently as Jesus Himself? Or how can I come up with better words to implore Mary’s intercession than those of the angel Gabriel and Saint Elizabeth?

When we practice anything in our lives, there are certain steps and procedures we follow. To practice as an athlete may mean a specific regimen of workouts, specific exercises, even a particular diet. If learning to dance, there are certain steps, positions, stretches that you must learn. But to follow only these would not allow you to be the best you can be. You have to do some work on your own. On the opposite side, if I only danced to the music without any training, or if I did not bother with specific training as an athlete and followed my own schedule, I would not be the best I could be either.

To truly practice our faith we need a mixture of prayer. For me, those prayers I have had memorized from my youth are like the basic stretches and workouts I need to practice my faith. I pray these lovely prayers as a sort of backbone for my prayer life. Then I add in my own “workouts.” My own way of moving to the music as I speak the humble and sometimes scattered thoughts in my head.

Each person may have a different form of prayer that connects them to the Father more deeply and that is ok! I pray through these memorized prayers, through mediation, through the words of my own heart, through walking silently in nature, through painting, through singing. What other forms of prayer do you use to talk with the Lord?

Sunshine on my Shoulders

Growing up our family always went on vacations over the summer. We camped, which meant we always drove to our destination. Our trips ranged from a long weekend camping trip only an hour away, to a 10 hour drive to the ocean for a week long camping trip. Our longest vacation was when I was in high school and my parents took my three sisters and myself on a three week cross country camping trip. These trips were not fancy resorts, were not ridiculously expensive hotels with top notch amenities, but they were the best vacations I ever could have asked for. I remember people saying after our cross country trip, “Wow three weeks together in a car and little pop-up camper? You guys must have driven each other crazy!” But we didn’t. I don’t remember any fights at all. Maybe a small argument here or there if someone crossed the imaginary line between your seat and the seat next to you in the car. Perhaps an occasional grumble over whether or not someone was hogging the blankets at night. But fights? No.

We enjoyed each other’s company. We laughed, we sat around the campfire talking, telling jokes, and roasting marshmallows. We hiked, we swam, and we just stood admiring God’s creation. We took photos and divided them up so each of us kids could make our own photo album of our adventure and I still look through those photos today. But more than photos or small souvenirs, we have amazing memories. Memories of hiking in the Rocky Mountains topped with snow. Memories of wading in the freezing Lake Tahoe waters because we just had to go in! Memories of standing in the quiet of the Redwood Forest feeling like a tiny ant surrounded with these massive trees and ferns. Memories of holding hands and stretching our arms as far as possible to see if we could reach around the enormous trunks of these great trees (which we couldn’t!) Memories of visiting the Pacific Ocean and watching the waves crash on the shore. Memories of wearing our rain ponchos as we visited the Sequoia National Forest and the massive trees that seem to reach all the way to heaven. Memories of hiking around the Grand Canyon and watching the beautiful colors change as the sun set and storms began to form on the other side.

Whenever we traveled as a family, certain music was involved. Radio stations were sometimes hard to find so we would accompany our road trips with the same tried and true cassette tapes and eventually CDs. There are certain musical memories that stick out in my mind: Raffi, various Disney tunes, Silly Songs with Larry from Veggie Tales, The Beach Boys, The Eagles, my parents playing “Name that Tune” to the local classic rock stations – but most of all John Denver. My parents love John Denver and his music went with us on any family trip. Not only did we listen to these songs, but we all sang along. You know how sometimes you will see a teenage kid going down the road with his boom box blasting and the car shaking from the loud, pounding bass? Well that is how we listened to John Denver. Volume up, bass up, singing our hearts out. Even as adults we still do this. I had to give my husband fair warning before he traveled with my family for the first time – There would be family singing of good old John Denver involved in this trip! “Take me Home Country Roads,” “Rocky Mountain High,” “Fly Away,” “Thank God I’m a Country Boy,” “Leaving on a Jet Plane,” and my favorite, “Sunshine on my Shoulders.”

My family is a bit spread out now and we don’t have the luxury of lengthy vacations together anymore. School and work have taken us to different states and our schedules are a lot harder to match up. Nevertheless, we are closer than ever in our relationships, talking almost daily via phone, text, email, or video chats, and we look forward to the time we do get to spend together in person. This past weekend I was blessed to have my Mom come into town for a visit. We talked, laughed, played games, cooked, and just enjoyed each other’s company. It was such a wonderful visit! Yesterday we went to surprise my Grandma for her 85th birthday. She lives just over an hour from me and didn’t know my husband and I were coming, let alone my Mom! Grandpa and my other aunts, uncles and cousins all managed to keep it a secret and Grandma was so surprised to see us! We had a wonderful day and at the end of it, I said goodbye to Mom so she could spend the next two days with her mother before flying back home.

Last night I was feeling a bit bummed out, as I always do when family visits are over. It seems they are too few and far between. This morning I woke up and the sun was shining bright, which has been rare lately. I thought about my family and the upcoming group camping trip we have planned. I thought back on all our memories of vacations in the past and “Sunshine on my Shoulders” popped into my head.

“Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine, almost always, makes me high”

I felt like the memories of childhood vacations and the promise of wonderful things to come with my husband and the family we might one day have became the sunshine on my shoulders this morning. Thinking about memories from the past is wonderful, but can sometimes make me cry. But when I look at how lovely the sunshine is in my life now, what wondrous things God has given to me, I feel happy. I feel high and uplifted by God and the love that surrounds me from my husband, my parents, my sisters, and entire family. The wonderful memories of the past were filled with love and joy and that inner sense of faith, love, and family has stayed with me and paved the way for new wonderful memories. Memories of meeting my husband for the first time. Of that moment when we knew God meant for us to be together. Memories of our engagement, of sharing the news with all my family and friends that we were getting married. Memories of our wonderful wedding day, of moving together, of adopting our cute little pup. Memories of our own vacations and day trips to parks, of visiting the lake, the ocean, amusement parks, and ballparks. And we have so many more memories to make! With such lovely memories behind me and such faith filled hopes and dreams of the future, it seems the sunshine isn’t just on my shoulders but filling my heart and soul too!

I have so much to be grateful for, why focus on the physical distance between family? I have my incredible husband, my adorable dog, our lovely home, our wonderful church, my loving family and the amazing technology that keeps us so close even now, marvelous memories of times gone by, and the warm sunshine on my shoulders, sent from the Father above, making me happy.

Faith, Hope, and Baseball

I am a huge Cleveland sports fans and am loyal to the Browns and Cavs, but baseball is by far my favorite. I absolutely love the sport and my Cleveland Indians team. Since childhood I have been surrounded by Cleveland fans in friends, family, neighbors, you name it! If you are not familiar with sports let me tell you that Cleveland fans are tried and true! Although our teams may not be the greatest, year after year we start each baseball, basketball, and football season saying, “THIS is the year!” Year after year we are convinced at the start that this season will be the one where we go all the way. And year after year, we watch things fall apart and end the season saying, “There’s always next year!” These two phrases have been unofficially named Cleveland’s mottos by many sports fans.

Yesterday was the Home Opener for the Indians. A feeling of excitement filled the air! The local media could talk about nothing else! You see, this year, really could be the year! We have a new, proven manager in Terry Francona who took the Red Sox to the World Series a few years back. We have new players including some great proven leaders like Nick Swisher and we still have some of the wonderful young guys who have really started to shine in the past year or so such as Michael Brantley or (my favorite) Jason Kipnis! Even our pitching, we seems to be our downfall almost every year, has a feeling of promise. Yes, this very well could be our year. The fans in this town were so excited to start off this season that, despite having finished last season terribly, yesterday’s game sold out within 6 minutes of tickets going on sale. Needless to say I did not get tickets. But I did follow the game listening to the radio and receiving text messages from family members as the game went downhill and we lost the Home Opener to the Yankees.

Despite the loss, I woke up this morning, sadly marked an “L” on my Tribe calendar where I keep track of all wins and losses, and promptly checked to see the time for first pitch of tonight’s game. You see, even though they lost, even though a stadium full of hopeful fans was let down, we are still ready for the next one. After all, it’s only one game. And if they pull through and win tonight, the loss will almost be forgotten as the city instead will be filled with excitement and joy. Year after year, game after game, we root for the team and players we love. We remain true to those teams and players, even when they let us down.   We have faith in our teams! We have hope that they will give us the win we so desperately want. And, at least in Northeast Ohio, it is a shared experience. Growing up, after any big win we would go outside on the porch to cheer, and all the neighbors would be outside doing the same. You can strike up a conversation with anyone in line at a store about the latest trade rumors, who is pitching, what the prospects are for the coming year, and so forth. Even those who may not be huge sports fans get caught up in the excitement of a good win or a chance at the Playoffs. The faith and hope in baseball unites an entire region of Ohio.

What if that level of faith was in God? Not just by a few people, but by an entire city, region, or state? Can you imagine if everyone you met in the street was that invested in knowing God? Where you could be in line for any store and strike up a conversation about faith and the love of God. What if, even when times went bad in life, you could check off that day on your calendar, shrug and say oh well time for a new day. If we trusted that there must be a reason for it and chose not to dwell on the negative but instead got excited for each new day because it is a gift from God? What if we lived in a place where everyone was so proud of their faith that they shared it with everyone, much the way a sports fan will show their love for their team in every way possible?

There is certainly nothing wrong with being a sports fan. I proudly root for my team and will continue to through thick and thin! But we need to look at our lives and see where we place the majority of our energy and faith. If we can place all this hope, optimism, and love in a sports team, surely we can do even more for our God. Just as we might wear team colors to show our spirit, we can do the same through our actions for Christ. We can wear the love of the Lord as a smile on our faces or a kind word to a stranger. We can root for God by standing up for our beliefs even when they are not popular. We can wear a cross or other symbol of God’s love as a physical sign of our faith and perhaps as a prompt for faith filled conversation. We can make time for Church and the sacraments. We can start each day with excitement and wonder at what God has in store. Baseball is a wonderful sport. It can bring people together and fill us with delight. Let us take that bit of delight and turn it into praise and thanksgiving for all God has done! Let us thank the Lord for all He has given us – His Only Son who died to save us, our loving family, friends, food, shelter, the beauty of nature that surrounds us…and while we’re at it, how about some thanks for the little things…like baseball!

The Agony in the Garden

“After withdrawing about a stone’s throw from them and kneeling, he prayed, saying, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done.” And to strengthen him an angel from heaven appeared to him. He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground.” ~Luke 22:41-44

This scripture passage is one of the most emotional for me. It shows our Lord in such a human light. It forces us to remember that, though He is God, he came to earth as human. He went through the same human emotions we go through. On this Holy Thursday, after washing the feet of His friends and having dinner with them, Jesus goes to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray. He knows what is coming. He cannot explain how He feels to the apostles for they do not understand what is about to happen. So instead Jesus goes a little away from them and prays to His Father in heaven. His prayer is so human. So real. Jesus knows what is about to happen and is praying so strongly that it might not be so. An angel appears to Him to strengthen Him as his sweat turned to blood and fell from the agony He was in awaiting His Passion.

 Jesus prays to the Father knowing that He will be betrayed by a dear friend. How hurt do we become when a friend betrays us even in the slightest way through hurtful words? How more deeply must Our Lord have been hurting to see His friend betray Him in such a way as to turn Him in to the men who want to kill Him?

 Jesus prays knowing that He is going to suffer insurmountable physical and emotional pain at the hands of the very people who only a week before celebrated His entry into Jerusalem. He knows that He will be beaten in front of so many people. That He will be shamed. He must know how this might cause people to doubt Him as they see Him treated in such a way.
Jesus prays knowing that His Mother will have to watch Him suffer. How His heart must ache as He prays for this cup to pass. As He thinks of her watching her Son suffer so. Knowing that she will watch Him knowing there is nothing she can do.

 Jesus prays knowing that the very people He is saving through His death are the ones putting Him to death. He knows they do not understand what they are about to do. He loves them in spite of what is about to happen.

 I cannot imagine the grief that Jesus is going through in the garden. And yet, He knows that God will help Him through it all. He is strengthened by the Father and the angel God sends Him. Even while knowing everything that will take place, He still prays for God’s will because He knows that God is so truly wonderful, there can be nothing better than what He has in store for us all.

 How many times do I find myself wishing, hoping, and praying for something because I think it is what is best for me, for my family. I borrow this prayer from Jesus as I pray to my Heavenly Father asking for what it is I want, all the while saying, “Not my will but Yours be done.” I am not faced with impending death. With torture. With the eternity of all mankind. And yet I know that however humble my requests, however feeble my desires, my God will hear them. I pray that my prayer in my human weakness will be strengthened by the angels. And I know that despite what I might think, God’s will is so much greater than my own. His love for me, for us all, is so indescribably amazing and filling that I know He has wondrous things in store for me far beyond what this word may offer.