In today’s society, modesty and conservative views are not always popular. Especially when it comes to sex. In a time where it’s widely considered to be pathetic and embarrassing to be a virgin, it is hard to explain to young girls why they should wait. Television shows, movies, music, and even commercials give the message that sex is something casual that you just must experience as soon as possible. Many young girls and boys feel that they are doing something wrong if they do not have sex because popular culture tells people: Why wait?
It’s a good question. Why should you wait? Does it really matter? What about sexual compatibility? What if we really love each other and we know we’re getting married anyway? I mean it’s just sex. Right?
It is not just sex. Or at least it shouldn’t be. The act of sex is meant to be a loving gift between a man and wife. It is a gift that is shared in marriage, in love, and that can bring forth new life as a result of deep love.
Before I go any further I need to say that I know it can be hard to wait. I know it is not a popular view to have. I know the pressure that society puts on us to give in and give up on waiting. I know because I went through it. I am 24 years old and until my wedding this past July, I was a virgin. I know what it can be like to start dating someone and to worry, what if they don’t want to wait? I know how uncomfortable it can sometimes be to hear friends talk about their first time or swap stories of different people they’ve been with. I know how awkward it can be to go to the doctor for your yearly checkup and to have to reassure the doctor that there is no chance you are pregnant. But when I was a teenager, I made a promise to myself and to God that I would wait until marriage and that the first man I was with would be the only man I would ever be with and that he would be my husband. I was very blessed to find a man who agreed to wait until marriage. And we did. And I do not regret waiting even the slightest bit. So I do know it can be hard. But I am telling you it is so worth it.
So why should you wait? There are many reasons to wait until marriage. The most important is for God. Because God created man and woman to be together in marriage. Because God has commanded us to keep sexual relations within a marriage. Look at 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
“This is the will of God, your holiness: that you refrain from immorality, that each of you know how to acquire a wife for himself in holiness and honor, not in lustful passion as do the Gentiles who do not know God.”
Another passage is 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 which reminds us that we are all members of Christ’s body. Verse 19 reads: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God and that you are not your own?”
You want to be with someone you love and who loves you back. You might say, well we do love each other and we’ll probably get married anyway. That may be. And if you plan on getting married, you will have a lifetime to be together. Why rush into it? It is such a special act of love, why not wait until you know you are in a loving, committed, lifelong marriage to enter into it? And the fact of the matter is, you may not end up marrying that person. And when you do get married, do you want to marry someone who has been with 20 other people? Do you want to have to tell your husband that he is #15? Or do you want to be able to tell your husband, I have saved myself for you because I value every aspect of our relationship and want to give myself to you fully in love once we are married? Think of a piece of chewing gum. Would you want a fresh piece of chewing gum…or a piece of gum that had been chewed by ten other people? It’s a graphic metaphor, but think about it!
Many people see sex as a quick fix. Get into a big fight? Well, sex will fix that. One of you did something wrong? No problem we’ll just have sex and it will be fine. One of the reasons I really was determined to wait was because of this. I have seen friends go through this. I’ve seen marriages end because problems were solved in the bedroom instead of actually talking about the issues at hand. Do you know how great it feels knowing that my husband and I could resolve any arguments we had without having to fall back on sex? On the opposite end, some people stay in relationships even when they aren’t going well because of the sex. I love the fact that my husband and I were able to make a loving and lifelong commitment to each other knowing that it had nothing to do with the physical act. That it was pure love for each other, not persuasion because of what happens in the bedroom.
Some people think you must have sex before marriage because otherwise how will you know if you are sexually compatible? Well when you are with the person you love, you are compatible in every way. To base a relationship on a physical compatibility is foolish. The physical act is not what will sustain a relationship. Being with that one person you truly love and who truly loves you will make everything compatible and you won’t need to worry at all. You should instead focus on spiritual compatibility. Finding someone who help you to grow in faith and in your relationship with God. That is so much more important!
I know it can be tempting. My husband and I were in a financial bind and ended up sharing a 2 bedroom apartment before we were married. Though we lived in the same apartment, we kept our promise to God and to each other to wait until marriage. It is hard to resist the temptation! But it is definitely worth it.
Now before I close I want to say just one last thing. I am not condemning anyone who has sex outside of marriage. I remember the words of Jesus, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7) We are not made to judge others. I am certainly not without sin. And this post is be no means a judgement or condemnation on those who have chosen not to wait. Instead it is meant to be a post to inspire young women to stand up for what they believe in and have the courage to wait until marriage in a society that holds the opposite view.
Why wait? Simply this: Because true love is worth waiting for.