The human mind is a tricky thing. There are things I learned and read in junior high and high school that I have almost completely forgotten. Things learned in classes like biology or chemistry or even history. There dates and quotes I memorized for exams throughout college that, if you asked me now, I might only have a faint recollection of what they referred to and may have completely forgotten. At the same time, there are some things you just cannot forget. Certain events, movies, and images stick with you. Some of these things we want to remember! Childhood events, birthday parties, family gatherings, weddings, and so on. But there are some things you cannot erase from your mind, even if you want to.
The recent trials of Gosnell are in that latter category. I began to read the news on him awhile back and had to stop halfway through the article. I just couldn’t bear it anymore. I know abortions happen. I know this is not an isolated incident. But the graphic nature of these trials tore at my heart. What boggles my mind is that there are people who will sit disgusted at what this man did, and yet will still say abortion is fine and we should provide safer and more easily accessible options for it. Somehow since the baby was out of the womb, it was horrendous. But when this happens within the womb in a “proper” facility, these people seem to find no wrong.
I want so badly to be a mother and am praying for God’s peace as I wait for Him to decide it is (finally) the right time for my husband and I to have a child. And as I hope and pray month after month that God might give us a baby, the Gosnell trial accounts were just too horrific to read. The funny thing is though, some things cannot be un-read. Even though I stopped reading the descriptions of the trial, and despite the fact that after stopping part-way through one article I merely skimmed the details of any remaining news on the matter, the parts I did read will not leave my brain. I am unable to un-read what I already read. I can pretend I didn’t read about it. I can ignore the news about it completely, but I still find that it is in my mind somewhere, tugging at my heart.
All I can do is pray. Pray for the mothers, for the doctors, for the babies. Pray that perhaps one day our nation will open its eyes and stop abortion. I pray and I pray alongside so many others and I know that the Lord hears our prayers. I may not be able to un-read what I read. But I am comforted knowing that God is listening to us and that those precious babies are with Him and filled with happiness and joy and the peace of the Lord.