I Know God Has a Plan

I know God has a plan.

I know God has a plan.

know God has a plan.

I keep saying this over and over to myself.  I know it is true.  And I keep praying with all my heart for patience as I wait for what He has in store for me.  But the waiting is hard.  And I have never been great with patience!  Perhaps God is teaching me…

Something I have alluded to but have not had the courage to write about until now is our struggle to become parents.  It has been harder than I ever imagined.  I have never been a career motivated person.  Instead, I always dreamed, hoped, and prayed to find the man God intended for me and become a wife and mother.  I have been so very very blessed to find my amazing husband and I thank God every day for bringing him into my life.  He is so kind, caring, and has such strong faith in God’s plan for us.  I can’t fathom being on this journey without my husband’s understanding and strength.

But it doesn’t take away the hurt.  Today is the 11th time I have been disappointed to discover that we are not yet pregnant.  I know some people have been going through this much longer and my heart goes out to them!  The trouble is that, try is I might, I cannot keep it from my mind for very long.  Friends become pregnant.  There seem to be pregnant women and babies everywhere!  Everywhere except here.  People innocently ask when we will have children.  I plaster on a smile and give some generic comment about seeing when the timing is right.  People who know my struggle tell me to just keep waiting.  It will happen.  And I try my hardest to believe them but the pain is still there. I see story after story about children abused, babies aborted and I can’t help but think…How does this make sense?  

I have never prayed so hard as I have in the past several months.  Yet, as trying as it has been, I feel I have grown so much stronger in my faith through it all.  As confused as I am, as much as I wonder what in the world God has in store for me, and as badly as it pains me, I know that God has a plan.  I feel His peace wash over me as I wipe away tears.  I feel His arms holding me as my arms ache to hold a baby.  

There have been times where I doubt what I am meant to do in my life.  Am I truly meant to be a mother?  Or should I try to find something else to do with my life?  Each time I feel this question bubbling up, I feel God reassuring me that I am made to be a mother.  I do not know when it will happen.  I do not know how.  We are certainly not opposed to adoption but we are not at that point in our journey yet.  For now, I just keep praying with all my heart for strength, guidance, and peace as we continue on our journey.  I know that God has a plan for me that will be far greater than anything I could imagine.  And I know in my heart that I will be a mother one day.  I long for the day when I can hold my child in my arms, rock them to sleep, sing lullabies, read stories… I pray that it is not too far away.  In the meantime, I pray that God will send His Holy Spirit upon me to give me strength and increase my faith as we wait.  Our God is so loving and wonderful…I know He has a plan.

Why do you say, O Jacob,
    and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
    and my right is disregarded by my God”?
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
    his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
    and strengthens the powerless.
Even youths will faint and be weary,
    and the young will fall exhausted;
but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength,
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
    they shall walk and not faint. (Psalm 40:27-31)

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8 thoughts on “I Know God Has a Plan

  1. 8kidsandabusiness September 14, 2013 at 3:20 pm Reply

    I have no words but I am giving you a great big cyber-hug and on this day, the Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross, I am offering prayers for you and your intentions. Grace and peace.

    • reinkat September 15, 2013 at 2:20 am Reply

      Yes, me too.

      • rosesnearrunningwaters September 16, 2013 at 8:31 am

        Thanks to the both of you. I was nervous about posting this since it is something quite personal but it lifts my spirits just knowing I have others in Christ who are praying with me so I thank you both very much!

  2. wordprocessor September 14, 2013 at 4:28 pm Reply

    I am sending a hug to you through our Lord. I join you in your prayers. Jer. 29:11 ~ praying for His plan for you and His comfort, strength and patience as you wait.

  3. Rosy Fingered Dawn September 22, 2013 at 3:06 pm Reply

    Thank you for your kind words on my first blog post! I want you to know that I have been praying for you, and I will remember you in my Friday morning prayers at Eucharistic Adoration. I struggle with God’s plan for my family in the area of infertility as well. We were given one son, and my fertility was taken away from me after he was born. It is one of the most confusing and mysterious struggles that God allows some of us women to suffer. I do not understand it or why some are blessed with fertility and others are not. But through it all, I have learned to trust in Him more and know that He loves me. I am drawn to the story of Hagar in Genesis (the servant of Sarah) who cries out to God in the desert as she flees with her son Ishmael, “You are the God who sees me!”
    As you journey through all of the emotional and physical difficulties of infertility, always remember that God sees you, too.

    • rosesnearrunningwaters September 22, 2013 at 7:41 pm Reply

      Thank you for the prayers and encouraging words! I know God is by my side it’s just struggling to have patience for His plan.

  4. […] beyond a doubt, that my husband and I were meant to be parents.  I know that my God loves us and has a plan for us that is far greater than any I could come up with on my own.  And so month after month, as the […]

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