Many times when we face struggles in our lives, especially personal struggles, we are tempted to keep it all to ourselves. To deal with the feelings, the emotions, the hurt, completely on our own. We think that because it is a private struggle, we should hide it from others. But the truth is that when we share our trials with others, when we bring our struggles out of the darkness and into the light, we open ourselves up to the powerful prayers of many others and may even inspire someone else along the way. Throughout our journey of infertility, I have gradually begun to share more of our story. This month, I am humbly blessed to to be chosen as the September Blogger of the Month for the Adopt-a-Blogger Prayer Campaign run by Conceiving Hope. The Adopt-a-Blogger campaign chooses one blogger each month who is struggling in their journey to have children and asks for the readers to pray for that person throughout the month. I am so blessed and thankful for all your prayers and wanted to share a little more about my journey:
I have always wanted to a mom. I imagined meeting a wonderful man, getting married and having a great big family. I was blessed to meet the man of my dreams my senior year of college and we were married a year after graduation, He was everything I could have hoped for, and then some. I couldn’t wait to start our family together.
Fast forward through four years of marriage, three years of actively trying for a family, numerous negative pregnancy tests, temperature charting, ultrasounds, medication, missed cycles, blood work, two HSGs, ovarian cysts, and a laparoscopy. I have discovered that I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and stage IV endometriosis. The combination of the two has resulted in a frequent lack of ovulation. Through all of this, I am still not a mom. The second bedroom in our apartment is still not a baby’s room. And I still keep hoping for next month.
Infertility is an exhausting journey. It drains you physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally. Because every month I can’t help but hope for a pregnancy, every month there is ample room for disappointment. There are tears and questions and worries and doubts. I never expected it would be so hard to do something so natural.
No matter how tough it gets, I strive to remember all that I have been blessed with. I have been blessed with the most wonderful husband who stands by my side, who makes me laugh, who puts up with my crazy emotions, and who always reminds me that God is in control. I have been blessed with incredible family and friends who help me along the journey. And I have been blessed with an adorable little dog who snuggles up with me when I need a good cry. For these and countless other blessings, I know I have to thank my Lord.
Because in the midst of all the tears and frustrations, God is still there. I may not understand His timing. I may not understand His will. But I know in my heart, beyond a doubt, that my husband and I were meant to be parents. I know that my God loves us and has a plan for us that is far greater than any I could come up with on my own. And so month after month, as the hope turns to disappointment, I turn to the Lord. I cry out to Him, I plead with Him, and I ask Him to give me the strength to go through it another month. He never disappoints.
There are little victories along the way. Gentle nudgings from God that seem to tell me not to give up yet! Things are looking up from a medical standpoint and I have every reason to believe and hope that we will be blessed with a child. I don’t know when or how, but I know it will happen. Even though I know these things in my heart, the emotions can take over at times and I humbly ask for your prayers to help me through this struggle. Prayers for my husband and I to stay strong in our marriage and to grow even closer in our relationship with each other and with God. Prayers that we will conceive and that God will bless us with a precious baby to add to our little family of two. Prayers that my will might be one with the will of the Lord. And prayers that through all the struggles, the ups and the downs, we will always remember to look at the numerous blessings we have been given and trust in the Lord.
Thank you so much for your prayers and know that you are in mine as well.